


Don't get Washed up about it

by Awishana



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Drowning, Fluff, Gay, Like, M/M, No Sex, Ocean, References to Depression, Sleepwalking, Stabby Stabby, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Teenage Drama, but it's my party, fuyuhiko has a knife, haha - Freeform, hey now, i'M SAD, ill cry if i want to, im sorry, just suicidal 14 y/os, kazuichi has some drugs, knife, ouchies, really sad, shower thoughts, sorry folks, uwu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 10:30:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16345082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awishana/pseuds/Awishana
Summary: in which soda goes to commit suicide and it so happens that kuzuryuu was thinking of the same thing





	Don't get Washed up about it

**Author's Note:**

> Hahahahahahaaaa
> 
> This was originally just a good ol' suicidal drabble from two months ago that I decided to make happier to cure my depression.
> 
> NOTE: I'm not fixing my grammar, and I'm not reworking any of it. It is how is it is and I don't care. This obviously isn't "canon" so don't nit-pick things you don't agree with because they aren't "canon", I got that shit on my last fic and it really was upsetting.

What was I doing? Oh god what am I thinking? How did I get here?

I feel my gut twist and ache, I clutch it tightly as I cower through the night. I woke up in a cold sweat just a few minutes ago. I was sleep walking. Again. While this isn't the first time, this is definitely the farthest I've ever woken up from my cottage. Am I on a different island? I pause the shuffling of my bare feet against the gravel to look up. I look directly up and the moon and breathe deep. The sky is always so calming to me, helps me get my thoughts together. At this point I feel so utterly hopeless, there really isn't much point in me even trying to help out, since I'd only be ridiculed for it. Trying to get into a relationship before I'm inevitably murdered was foiled. Sonia is obviously disinterested, I'm just teasing at this point. I even tried that Tanaka dude! He started yelling at me and... I got the hint. He's into Sonia, not me. And she like him too. Their, uh, a good couple. I suppose I'm just not skilled enough to be loved. I even distrusted my only actual friend on this island! I can't stand thinking about how hurt Hajime looked when I avoided him, pointing him out as the traitor, I was so cruel. Why can't I act right? What's wrong with me? I just can't be loved. I can't even trust the people I should be seeing as my friends. It's just plain pathetic. Lowly. Dammit.

"Thanks, moon." I mutter as I resume my walk, the sky is always so insightful. I think I understand now. But, what should I do about it? Should I head back to my cottage? Probably. But why? What's the point if the next day I just lose more. I can't win, no breaks for me. I'm all alone, which I have only half-heartedly admitted in the past without minding the truth of it that often. But now, it's entirely true, and I mind it very much. Do I even have anything left to lose? No, I threw it all away without thinking: Impressions, trust, teenage love. Why can't someone care about me? I want to be fixed, I want to be taught what to say and do, I want a lover. I want to be properly socialized.  
But since none of that will ever happen now, stuck on this island, I'll have to compromise. This isn't for any dumb hope or worthless despair like that creep, Nagito. It's only so that I don't have to mess up anymore. Maybe I can even forget. But what to use? How do I kill myself? It's probably not healthy to even think this but...

I make my way around and finally figure out where the hell I am. I'm on the third island, how I got here by just walking in my sleep, I'll never know. I make my way to the pharmacy on the second island. Drug overdose, an easy case to solve and one less murderer to worry about. I can finally help. I tug at the pink tuffs of my hair and sigh at the glass doors I now stand before, my breathe fogs up the glass. As I step inside, I turn my gaze to the shelves lined with my death, only with different labels taped across. This will probably hurt a lot. This is definitely a bad idea, I repeat that line over and over.

I rifle through the different bottles. Having no expertise in medicine means I have no clue to which of these is the most potent. Mikan already kicked the bucket, so even if I thought of asking her opinion, I couldn't. I grab about six pills each from five weirdly named medications and a large container of liquid sleeping medicine. This might be a slight overkill but if I take them at the right times, I can draw out the pain and die at sunrise, maybe with a few leftover pills to leave as evidence. Seeing the sun one last time by the ocean will be a good sight, then I can just sleep forever, after enough organ failure. Easy-peasy. Wow, this is a terrible idea. My worst one yet.  
As I make my way to the beach on the first island, I pick up several drinks from the vending machine at the convenience store. On my way out I see a shadow speedily drift past me. Oh god it's a ghost! I hate shadows so much, they creeeeeep me out- "Wha-!"

A small thud rumbles against my clothed chest, and my drinks slide out of my arms and clang loudly against the cement. Good thing none of them were glass. My pills jump around in my tool pockets. After flailing against the assailant for some time, I too, fall in a pile against the side of the convenience store, and a pile of someone else falls with me, now laying heavy against me. We must have both tripped and fallen on top of each other. I suddenly feel pressure against my neck. It feels...cool, and sharp. "What the fuck? Get the fuck away from me, you bastard! I'll cut you! I've got a fucking knife, you motherfucker! I'll-" I interject the fuming ball of human I immediately recognize as, "Fuyuhiko?" I whisper softly, when I lean forward only to feel my face brush against the assailant. I feel the blade cut into my neck just barely with my movement, making me hiss in pain as I jerk back against the building. Does that count as a kiss? No, it shouldn't, I can't see a thing when it's this dark and don't have my contacts in, it should be only counted as an accident. A pause rests heavy in the air. Fuyuhiko has stilled in my lap, but still shows no sign of getting off me. "...Souda?" He whispers back now, and I feel the pressure, of what was definitely a real knife, immediately whip away from my skin. Oh god, was he really going to stab me? I swallow hard, I'm so nervous my hands have begun to shake. "Yeah? I-uh.." I don't even know what to say to him. What if he sees the container of sleeping medicine, or what if my pills roll out of my jump suit? "What the hell are you doing out here, it's fucking past midnight, you creeper. Explain yourself, and why do you have so many damn bottles? None of them are even alcohol." I watch as well as I can as the small gangster feels around the cement and paws at my drinks. I silently mouth in attempt to speak, but nothing comes out. I took too long to answer. I feel his hips slowly slide off my thighs and he lifts off my lap, his warmth separating from me. I'm a little disappointed, to be honest. The gangster then stands up and dusts himself off.

"I-uh...I had trouble sleeping-yeah! I get really thirsty at night and I thought drinking some water would help me rest. Also, I kinda sleep walked here a bit..." It wasn't entirely a lie, I am very thirsty at night, and I did sleep walk! "Wait, uh, Fuyuhiko? What are you doing out here?" I mumbled back, already expecting my answer. "It's none of your fucking business, okay?!" The teen practically screamed, sending me shrinking up against the wall, "Y-y-yeah! Sorry! I-just-Sorry! Please don't stab me or anything..." not that it matters anyway. There's a short silence before Fuyuhiko speaks up, "I'm not going to fucking stab you... That was-that was just reflex okay? I thought you were gonna jump me or something... And I'm... just out on a walk." He huffs, I shiver, "I couldn't sleep for fucking hell. There. Happy?" I glance at the ground in contemplation, nudging a bottle of water, "Y..eah. I guess. So uhm. I'll just, get going then. Sorry I scared- I mean bumped. Sorry I bumped into you. Won't happen again, promise!" It really won't, soon I hope I won't be able to do anything again. He, as in Fuyuhiko, grunts in response before stomping away. Once he's out of view I feel myself shake violently. Fuck. That was way too close. The thought of being caught now became real, and the fear welled up in my chest and sent shivers down my spine. What was I thinking? I feel sudden warmth moving down my face. Oh, tears, that's totally unmanly. I furiously wipe the escaping liquid away and swallow the fear back down my throat. It's too late to back out now, I already have a witness, and Fuyuhiko could easily solve my case with his account. This is the perfect night to do this.

It's still early, and it isn't too cold out. I start to gather my drinks and sleeping medicine again. Once I am standing, I lean down to bunch the bottles together in my arms. Is there anything else I need? Blankets to lay on at the beach would be nice, so would a light... I stumble back into the shop to grab what I can and begin my trek to the beach.  
It's slow and quiet as I walk past the hotel, I think of just returning for the night. But what if someone went into my room? Hajime has before, and that was frightening enough without drugs in my possession. I could be framed of plotting a murder, and everyone would avoid me, and hate me even more than they already do. I sigh and creep past the cottages, continuing on to the beach. As I make it to the clearing, my body stills with yet another sighting of Fuyuhiko. It's only been a half an hour or so... It's brighter out here with the moon shining overhead, but even that doesn't bring me to the other boy's attention. Instead of calling to him or even walking away, I quietly walk to my chartered spot on the sand, a nice spot behind a decently large stone to lean my back against on the left side of the beach. Fuyuhiko is closer to the right side of the clearing, facing the ocean calmly. If I weren't so suspicious of him I would admit that he looked pretty cool and well-dressed in the scenery. I make it to my spot easily, carefully setting down my supplies which I had wrapped my blanket around to act as a sack. I slowly ease myself down onto the sand, with enough precision so that the gangster doesn't notice my movement.

I just sit and watch Fuyuhiko, I know that if try and unpack my stuff he'll only come over to yell at me. But this is way too creepy. Maybe he'll just leave and not notice me. Fuyuhiko takes a few small steps forward, the water of the ocean washes up to what can be seen as just above the ankles. I squint hard to get a better look, my hair whips violently against my face in the breeze. I took my beanie off in my cottage before bed, I bet my hair looks awful right now, and my face feels slick with sweat and my jump suit stinks from sleeping in it. I'm a walking mess. Getting stuck in my thoughts again, what pulls me out of the daze is another move from Fuyuhiko. I turn my head to get a closer look, and pry my hand from my matted hair. He had stepped forward again, the water splashing up to his knees, but why? He's obviously getting soaked.

And then I saw it, something glimmering in Fuyuhiko's hand, the moonlight reflecting off of it bounced right into my eyes. I couldn't tell what it was from here, but my first guess sent dread crawling up my back, perching on my shoulder. Fuyuhiko seemed expressionless, simply looking out on the water, pausing. I see him lift the metal object up more, up to his eyes. He inspects the object, turning around and flicking it back and forth. I can't tear my eyes away. Is he really gonna-no. No, no, of course not. But then, what am I here for? No, I shouldn't jump to these conclusions but... that has to be his knife. I know he has one because he fucking threatened me with one just earlier tonight! Like, twenty minutes ago! What the hell is little donut-kid thinking? My courses of action run past me in my mind, but I settle on seeing how things play out. He could, y'know, just have come out to the beach to be angsty and then go to bed, I could be overthinking it...

Fuyuhiko continues to stand silently, moving the object down to his waist. Is he going to slit his stomach (again)? He takes another step forward, aiming the object strictly at his side. Time stills and I begin to panic. I look around frantically, noticing way off in the distant another figure, away from the beach. Who is it...? Short, very short...inhumanly short...it has to be. Oh, fuck. It's Monokuma. He's just watching in the distance, like me. His red eye is glowing, it's really fuckin' creepy. If the Mono-shit bag is here, that means he might also be wondering if Fuyuhiko is really gonna do something. Unless...he was here to watch me...do that...no. Probably not. I decide to ignore the horror-bear and jerk back to Fuyuhiko. The water is up to his waist now, and I see him visibly sigh, jerk forward, and lean back. He's...crying. Fuck, how do I deal with this? I actually don't want him to do this, I wanted to... y'know what? Fuck it. The moment I see him pull back his arm in aim is when my throat catches, the next moments feel as though they weren't acted by me. My body moves on its own, I shout, "WAIT!", more like tearing out my vocal cords. I realize how quiet it really was with my shout, and the gangster visibly jumps, beginning to stumble against the waves. Fuyuhiko gasps at my noise and jerks around to see me, running toward him as fast as I could. Scary, I know. My ears are ringing and all I can focus on is tackling the shitbag down, and maybe not getting stabbed.

I feel my feet push through the sand, Fuyuhiko stands motionless, probably realizing that running in the water wouldn't help in his escape. Instead he raises his knife, holding it to himself again, "Stay back, shithead! I'm warning you!" He yells. The blood in my ears is pumping too loud for me to focus on what he's saying, seeing the knife raised only makes me move faster. I'm fucking terrified. I feel pressure jerk against my legs as I hit the water, then my shins, and next I'm full-out leaping into the sea at the smaller boy, tackling him into the waves. I feel water drop in all around me, water filling the space where air once was. I feel the flaps of Fuyuhiko's suit gripped in my fists, and my next inhale is met with the awful taste of ocean water. The first thing I do before surfacing is fight the smaller teen over the object, which I painfully discover is indeed a knife. I grab at Fuyuhiko's wrist, clenching it tight with one hand. I take the risk of grabbing the knife, only to feel a sudden burning on my palm. Instinctively, I wrap my hand tighter around the blade, and yank hard, feeling it slip easily out of the frail gangster's hand. Then I immediately release it to the waves, letting the ocean deal with it (haha totally not littering).

I scream in pain from the salt entering the gash, only to have more water fill my lungs. I try Ignoring the mass body pain and the flailing Fuyuhiko. When I try to feel for the ocean floor, I find that it's no longer in reach. In the midst of the scuffle, we were both taken further out to sea, not by much, but enough to no longer touch the ground. Immediately I realize that... Fuyuhiko is way shorter than I am and I can barely breach the water. After swimming(badly) up to the surface to puke out as much water as I can(to little avail), I gasp for enough air to last, and yank the smaller teen up above me, pushing myself back under to steady him against my torso. This is the most human interaction I think I have ever had in my life aside from family. Wow, I hope he's breathing, that would be great. He probably is, I can feel him squirm in my grasp, but I refuse to let him go. What if he tries to drown himself (because stabbing himself worked out oh-so-well)? I turn myself in a position where my stomach is down towards the sand and Fuyuhiko is loosely on my back, it takes both hands to keep him steady, and I already feel my lungs screaming again for more oxygen, I just hope I don't start to sink more. I pedal against the water as hard as I can with my legs, hoping that we are moving forward(in the right direction, no less), and that Fuyuhiko is above the water. The moment I feel my stomach brush against the sand and feel Fuyuhiko physically get heavier, I know that we are actually getting closer to land. I push up against the ground with all my might. I end up hoisting Fuyuhiko upon my shoulders, and feel myself shaking violently from the pressure and the weakness in my legs. I breach the water and gasp violently, still holding onto my classmate so that he doesn't fall back into the water. The ocean is level to my chest, Fuyuhiko is silent on my shoulders, and I again use all my force to push my legs against the tide. The gangster isn't struggling anymore, as creepy as that sounds. And the soft movement against my back tells me that he's probably breathing. This overall, has been the most intense night in my entire life. I continuously gasp for breath as we tred forward, lurching every time salt washes into my cut. I grit my teeth and try not to scream with every step.

When we make it back to the shore, and the water is at my ankles, I feel my legs give out. I crash knees-first into the sand, and I feel Fuyuhiko fall off me and land back in the shallow water. It doesn't seem like he's going to try and run away, so I take my time pulling myself together. So, after dry-heaving into the sand for ten minutes, I take time to turn around to face him. He hasn't moved, the smaller boy is siting up, with his gaze cast down and his arms wrapped around his knees. He looks, well, really guilty. Like a kicked puppy. Aw, man. Fuck, how do I deal with this? "H-hey.." I burst into a fit of coughs, I didn't realize how croaked my throat was. I continue after another moment. "You should, uh. Let's...get the rest of you out of the water, you're soaked." He doesn't respond, or show any sign of moving. Is...he in some sort of shock? Is that what this is? I slowly move in around him, keeping my hands visible, and wrap myself around him. After sitting and holding him for a few moments, I gently lift him up, out of the water. I suddenly remember the gash in my hand as the salty fabric of Fuyuhiko's suit rubs against it, making me flinch. I bite down my scream, not wanting to scare the other any further. I force myself forward, carrying the smaller bridal-style, and realize I have absolutely no clue what to do. I'm not a fucking nurse, I haven't honestly interacted with someone since kindergarten, let alone hold them against my chest after dragging them out of the fucking ocean.

I take deep breathes and flutter through my options. I could go back and ask everyone for help, but that includes explaining what happened and...probably making things worse for Fuyuhiko, and then having to explain why I was there..no. Going to the hotel is a no-go. Then I remembered that I brought blankets with me. I sneeze from the breeze briefly after setting Fuyuhiko down next to my supplies. He seems to be looking around now, gathering himself probably. I unravel the blankets and unpack everything I brought. I look to Fuyuhiko, blanket in hand. Logically, he should probably get out of the wet clothes, so should I. But...I feel like he would disagree if he were in his right mind, so would stripping him be too inappropriate? Would that count as assault..? Dammit. I prop the smaller boy up against me and speak softy, "Hey.. I have some blankets for you here.. but I-" I shiver, "we have to get you out of the wet clothes before you get sick, okay?" No response. "Can you... change yourself..?" I wait for a response, eventually there is a soft nod. Thank the fucking lord. I hold him up as he shakily undresses, he looks like he's about to pass out. Why is he this bad? How do I treat this. Fuck, I wish I knew what I was doing.

It takes a long time, and I eventually have to help him unbutton his dress shirt, but I am able to wrap him up in all three blankets I brought. I then take off my top layer, leaving on my tank top and bottoms, because I have nothing to cover with and I don't want to be that creepy. I can handle the cold a little. Fuyuhiko still hasn't started talking, but I continue to reassure him, saying things like "Everything's okay now," and "Don't worry, just calm down and breathe, focus on getting warm". I also try to keep him stimulated enough to stay awake, I'm too scared to let him sleep, isn't that how you die? I don't want to risk it, so I keep talking to him, nudging him, making him drink some water as I dry his hair. I notice how soft it is. He looks so tired, and It must be early morning at this point, 2 a.m. at the latest. I see him nod off, his head jerking as he wakes himself back up. I shouldn't let him sleep... but...  
I place my hand against his forehead, the gangster mumbles, but doesn't fight. He's feverish, but that's expected, I'm pretty sure I'm sick too. I can't keep him exposed to the cold to lower his fever, so I keep him bundled, but... Gosh I really want to know how to fix this. Should I take him back to his cottage? What if he gets too sick and like, dies in his sleep or something? That's be my fault, I...I don't want to kill him. I just wanted to kill myself, but even that plan has been foiled. All of the pills were lost at sea, and the sleeping medicine wasn't ideal to begin with.

And now I have to keep an eye on Fuyuhiko, I have to make sure he recovers!

The morning gets colder and I am now breaking to into frequent bursts of shivers. When I look back to Fuyuhiko, I see that I failed in keeping him awake. He takes soft breathes as his eyes are glued closed. Temptation gets the best of me and I decide to sneak under one of the blankets, leaving the other two wrapped around the smaller boy. It's much warmer, and I can feel just a bit of body heat collecting from the sleeping boy. I hang close and settle against him, and soon I feel my own eyes shut... I don't think I've ever been more tired...The only thing keeping me awake is the ocean breeze whipping against my face. I gaze back to the sky, what should I do? I think...I should take him back to his room. I don't want to keep him outside.

That's what I settle on. My adrenaline has completely worn off by now, and I feel pain everywhere, especially in my hand. Y'know, the one with the gash still in it.  
I gather myself and take a deep puff of breathe. I stand, stretch, and make sure the smaller boy is properly covered before taking him back in my arms. I get a few soft mumbles, some coughs, and then more silence. It doesn't take too long before we make it to the hotel. I couldn't wake Fuyuhiko back up enough to ask permission to enter his room, so I critically decided to leave him at my place for the night. That way I could watch over him. It's difficult to get into the room, but once we're in I set Fuyuhiko down and try to wake him up again. I get him barely awake, he definitely is still out of sorts, but I convince him to wash up a little to get all of the salt and sand off of him. Again, the most human contact I have ever had. He didn't really mind throughout the process. He was able to wash most of himself, I just helped with his hair and back, and I made sure he didn't fall asleep. After he was dried off, I let him take over the bed. He looked much better now, still feverish, but more aware and less pale. I took the opportunity to shower myself and put both of our clothes in the wash. I dressed myself in one of the beach blankets and settled next to the bed. I feel like sleeping next to the smaller in the bed would be a little too far, and way too warm for his fever, as well as mine. Being in the same bed would only cause me to lose more sleep. I've had enough physical contact to last a lifetime...not that it was entirely bad... just, circumstances.

**Author's Note:**

> YEa I originally had them both kill themselves but I ended up avoiding that bc I'm a very sensitive being. ALSO IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY


End file.
